confession time

If I hadn't accidentally gotten pregnant again when Eli was 3-4 months old he would be an only child. We had planned to start and try for #2 after Eli turned 1. He's now almost 9 months old and by this time I would vehemently be against another child, not just now, forever. I'd probably go and send Ben to get himself fixed as my Christmas present. Those people who warmed me before Eli was born that the first 2-4 months are the hardest, lack of sleep and all, they can kiss my gianormous white ass. Same thing goes for those people who told me around 6 months is when baby's start to get "fun", that includes my mom. Once he hit 5 months Eli turned into a huge pain in the ass and fun, what fun? Sure he does something cute or new every now and then but my word... the crying... the teething... the crying... Don't get me wrong, I love him very much... and you know, it's probably not him, it's more than likely me. Maybe pregnancy hormones making this time a little more stressful than it would have been otherwise? Maybe my depression plays into it? I don't know. I should probably have my child(ren) taken away from me, I'm not a very good mother. Oh, my OB was able to fit me in at the end of her day, I go in at 4:15 to have cultures taken.